Another Scoop of Schadenfreude

The latest Republican scandal (and yes, Pastor Ted's a Republican) is too good, so we'll take time off from posting on why you shouldn't be over it to pile on a bit.

OK - gotta do this with a straight face.

Shit, screwed up already.

Pastor Ted (call me "Art") Haggard, lately of the New Life Church, now admits that he did something he rails against (after denying it).  So was it the gay sex or the crystal meth?  Who knows, but wouldn't he have admitted drug use pretty quickly to avoid being tainted with "teh gay"?

Perhaps some quotations from Pastor Ted's Wikipedia entry will shed a little light on his implosion:

"I don't operate technically with the gift of tongues, but I do pray in tongues every day in my prayer closet [a small room set aside for prayer and speaking in tongues at New Life Church]."*

Closet?  Tongues?  Hmmm.  What else do we have?

"[George W. Bush] will be known as the man who stood up to Islamic fundamentalism being used to tyrannize their own people, so that in another hundred years, in the Islamic world, he'll be viewed as a great liberator."

Oh really?  Well, the dude talked to the Dear Leader every week, so he should know.  What else is floating around?

Rev. Haggard, a graduate of Oral Roberts University ...

OK - let's try again - how about Pastor Ted's reaction to the Mel Gibson movie:

"There is a great deal of pressure on Israel right now and Christians seem to be a major source of support for Israel. For the Jewish leaders to risk alienating 2 billion Christians over a movie seems shortsighted."

Sounds pretty tolerant, don't you think?  And here's something from a document called "For the Health of the Nation: An Evangelical Call to Civic Responsibility" that Pastor Ted and other fundies whipped up:

"Many social evils—such as alcohol, drug, gambling, or credit-card abuse, pornography, sexual libertinism, spousal or child sexual abuse, easy divorce, abortion on demand— represent the abandonment of responsibility or the violation of trust by family members, and they seriously impair the ability of family members to function in society."

Wow - looks like that one's in the crapper, wouldn't you say?  And no wonder Pastor Ted had to step down as head of the National Association of Evangelicals:

"Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures."

Oh well - maybe Pastor Ted should give up preaching and run for the House.  Maybe for Foley's old seat.

*This quote was removed from the Wikipedia entry during the last 24 hours.

UPDATE:  Pastor Ted's defense?  'I did not inhale!'

Comments

[Fred]

Teh gay is spreading through the GOP like a California wildfire.

[mandt]

"I do pray in tongues every day in my prayer closet" Oh, honey, was that "in cheek"?

[actor212]

Oral Roberts or "Orals Robert"?

Nuff said.

[Comandante Agi]

Fred: Don't mock my state! Gropenfuhrer Arnold has zee fires under control!

[Tony]

Wouldn't it be weird if being Republican actually caused you to be gay?

Do you think the GOP would dissolve itself?

[actor212]

Tony,

What an interesting point. Wolcott asks a similar question in his column yesterday..."According to this exciting morsel, Haggard took part in weekly conference calls with President Bush--"he and the president like to joke that the only thing they disagree on is what truck to drive."

'What truck to drive'--I wonder if that is some kind of cryptic butch gay Western lingo. It's a shame Will & Grace is no longer on the air to provide enlightenment on such matters, leaving us to forage on our own."

[BobR]

The guy must not be too bright, given his ludicrous statements since his closet door got ripped off its hinges.

He bought drugs but didn't use them. Sure.

He hired a male prostitute but didn't have sex with him. Uh-huh.

If he just wanted a massage, why use a phony name like Art?

I'm so glad one of these phony, sanctimonious, gay-bashing hypocrites got exposed. He's just the tip of the iceberg, too.

[Crackpot Press]

Please keep in mind he bought $300 worth of meth. That's a lot.

Meth is cheap and potent. That's like 2 or 3 ounces.

[The Minstrel Boy]

Any welfare mother or parolee on drug testing would tell pastor ted that a simple hair follicle sample would conclusively prove to us doubters the truth of his denial of having used meth. kick us down one strand of hair for your vindication.

[mandt]

Come to think of it maybe it was Haggart that Gannon was stuppin in the White House on those over nights. We always thought it was Carlina Rove.