Pastor Ted Goes To Jesus Camp
When you get caught being gay in America it seems you can do one of two things: there's the McGreevey, where you admit you're gay, write a book, and explain yourself to Oprah; or there's de-gaying, where you turn to the Dr. Nicolosis of this world to rid you of teh gay. Guess which one Pastor Ted is gonna do?
Yes, Pastor Ted is going to get himself de-gayed - it's time to head for fundie boot camp for Spritual Restoration (praise Jeeeebus!):
There will be prayer, and perhaps the laying on of hands. There will be counseling and a confession. And there will be advice, confrontation and rebuke from "godly men" appointed to oversee the spiritual "restoration" of the Rev. Ted Haggard.
The "laying on of hands"? Isn't that what led to the problem in the first place?
[H.B.] London [of Focus on the Family], who is not involved in Haggard's restoration, said the process will demand honesty from Haggard and determination from his overseers.
Overseers? Hmmm - sounds kinky - that could also present a problem.
At any rate, we at Agitprop wish Pastor Ted a speedy recovery so he can get back to fag-bashing.
"Restoration" makes is sound like three rounds of Murphy's Oil Soap and a sound buffing will have him up and extorting from the church in no time. I couldn't be more thrilled for the faithful at S.C. Johnson Wax.
Posted by: Tata | November 09, 2006 at 07:52 AM
So the ones in charge of the de-gaying, how do we know they are "clean"? Isn't there something in the bible about casting the first stone?
I hear Dobbs dropped out of the de-gaying team. I find that VERY interesting.
Just when I think I've heard every crazy idea out there, something like "curing" gayness comes along!
What a weird old world we live in.
Posted by: Dee | November 09, 2006 at 08:51 AM
I've heard of exorcising demons, but can they really exorcise teh gay?
Posted by: Comandante Agi | November 09, 2006 at 11:41 AM
After a few sessions of gay-begone I'm sure all will be well. After all didn't Rush Windbag get cured of Oxiconten in only two weeks. I quess Pastor Ted's sponsers will have to look for lingering signs of decorating, hair dressing and the occassional "Fabulous."
Posted by: mandt | November 09, 2006 at 12:23 PM
Freude,
You missed some salient details.
According to the de-gayer, he will be in rehab FOR FIVE YEARS!
And even after all that time, the program only has a 50% success rate!
"I see success approximately 50% of the time," said H.B. London, a vice president at Focus on the Family, the conservative Christian ministry in Colorado Springs, Colo. "Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process."
Those who fail "end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives," he said.
Hmmmm....there is a strong resemblance between Pastor Ted and Joe Isuzu....
Posted by: actor212 | November 09, 2006 at 01:43 PM
Of course he chose this route! He can declare himself "cured", go back into the closet, and repair his reputation. Business as usual.
Posted by: Miss Cellania | November 09, 2006 at 02:26 PM
Of course he chose this route! He can declare himself "cured", go back into the closet, and repair his reputation. Business as usual.
Posted by: Miss Cellania | November 09, 2006 at 02:27 PM
Of course he chose this route! He can declare himself "cured", go back into the closet, and repair his reputation. Business as usual.
Posted by: Miss Cellania | November 09, 2006 at 02:28 PM
I don't usually go on and on like that...
Posted by: Miss Cellania | November 09, 2006 at 06:08 PM
I think it's hysterical that James Dobson has already resigned from the intervention team.
And for that I have to give Dobson some props...
Why set yourself up for failure...
I don't believe this is the first time Haggart has been in Homo Rehab Camp
Posted by: Crackpot Press | November 09, 2006 at 09:31 PM
Once in Rehab Camp...always in Rehab Camp.
Posted by: sumo | November 10, 2006 at 12:46 AM
They all want therapy after being caught (eg., Duke Cunningham). One would have to assume that the public gay bashing with clandestine butt-fuckery would continue until the secret's out.
I submit that every gay lover of any of these public bashers ought to spill their guts out of respect for the gays that can't!
Posted by: Willis | November 10, 2006 at 08:17 AM
what is Pastor Ted going to do now??
Jesus Camp is closed!
Posted by: Comandante Agi | November 10, 2006 at 09:24 AM
Return to paying for blow-jobs...I mean..."Messages" from gay prostitutes. In other words, he will return to hiding in plain sight with a dick in his ass!
He will fail, and the failure will be spectacular! It will be painful, and it will be predictable.
"Bottom" line -- Satan isn't done with Ted yet!
Posted by: gary | November 10, 2006 at 10:07 AM
I've heard of exorcising demons, but can they really exorcise teh gay?
Posted by: Comandante Agi
Ever been in a leather bar? Damn, some them guys looked pretty exericsed to me!
Oh. Wait. Sorry. I misread that. Sydelxia...
Posted by: actor212 | November 10, 2006 at 12:47 PM
naw, leather bars aren't really my scene. i prefer a pub full of drunk soccer fans.
Posted by: Comandante Agi | November 10, 2006 at 04:03 PM