Crank Addicts For Christ

In March 2005, Ashley Smith was held hostage in her apartment by Brian Nichols. Smith told police and reporters that she persuaded Nichols to surrender by reading him passages from the spiritual best seller "The Purpose-Driven Life." Smith immediately became a media sensation and hit up the cable talk-show circuit. She recounted how Jesus had saved her from possible rape and murder at the hands of Nichols. It turns out that what got her through the ordeal was not Jesus, but rather Crystal Meth:

In the memoir, "Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero," Ms. Smith recalls that Brian Nichols, who has been charged in the death of three people shot at the Fulton County Courthouse and a fourth killed elsewhere in Atlanta soon before her kidnapping, asked her if she had any marijuana. She answered no but said she did have some "ice," or crystal meth.

Marijuana is like so last century man. Meth is totally in now . . .

. . "Suddenly, looking down at my drug pouch," she says, "I realized that I would rather have died in my apartment than have done those drugs with Brian Nichols. If the cops were going to bust in here and find me dead, they were not going to find drugs in me when they did the autopsy. I was not going to die tonight and stand before God, having done a bunch of ice up my nose."

I don't think God would be happy if you arrived at the gates of heaven high on crank. After seeing your dilated pupils and your relentless twitching he would have sent you to purgatory for about 200 years. Wise choice Ashley.

Comments

[Blogenfreude]

And the FBI isn't even going to ask her for the reward back! How'z about sending that $72k to hurricane relief, cranky?

Praise the Lord and pass the pipe!

[tina]

Let's start a campaign: Acid for the Apostles, Ganja for God, Marijuana for Martyrs.
How much of that reward money of Ashley's has been smoked up do ya reckon?
I always questioned why she didn't have custody of her young daughter... now it all makes sense. Having crytsal meth in your house that your young daughter can get into is NOT conducive to good parenting skills... no matter how many crackpot Christian self-help books you read.

[fred]

Praise jesus and pass the Meth!

[Agi T. Prop]

See, I always thought God would be more into something mellow like pot. Ya know, the whole Jah Reggae thing. Uppers like meth seem counterproductive if one is trying to gain a peaceful and enlightening experience.

[mandt]

Jeeze---stuck in the Purg with all those unbaptized burning babies--I'ld rather go to hell lol M

[Neil Shakespeare]

Well maybe she thinks it's powdered angels wings or something. Or Jesus' Dandruff. Did Jesus have dandruff? Hmmm. Golly that's an awfully good question. I should be able to drift for hours on that one.