Sith Lord Dick Cheney has resurfaced from his four week long hibernation and is currently touring the areas ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. If there's one person who can provide comfort and compassion to hurricane victims, it's Dick "Go Fuck Yourself" Cheney.
No one is quite sure what he has been doing for the past month. The last time he was seen was at Bush's Crawford ranch in mid-August. Was he running the shadow government from his underground bunker? Was he at the Pentagon overseeing plans to nuke Iran? Or perhaps he was ripping the heads off baby kittens and then throwing them into Potomac?
The Washington Post has reported rumors that the Cheney family is purchasing a $2.9 million estate on the Chesapeake Bay next to the Rumsfeld family estate:
Reaction to the two men's presence is embedded into everyday conversation -- even as residents take pride in taking it all in stride. They tick off celebrities who have lived in or visited the area: Margaret Thatcher, Walter Cronkite, James Michener, Yasser Arafat and Vince Vaughan -- the latest during nearby filming of "Wedding Crashers." Residents joke about the occasional helicopter overhead and what flavor Rumsfeld gets at Justine's Ice Cream parlor.
These old bastards go way back. Now they'll be neighbors. How cute!
One woman even drew a clear distinction -- pro-Rumsfeld, anti-Cheney. "Cheney's a politician. He's connected with Bush," said Rhonda Lewis, 58, a bookkeeper at a bike shop in nearby Easton. She has always had a crush on Rumsfeld. "He is just adorable." She thinks the defense secretary often looks stressed out on TV, and seeing him walk casually through St. Michaels in khakis is comforting. "Bush just dumped all the hard stuff on him," Lewis said.
Rumsfeld. Adorable? What the hell is she smoking?
Thanks to the Iraq War Dick Cheney will be able to purchase a home with Halliburton stock while veterans suffer with post traumatic stress disorder, severe nerve damage and lost limbs.
Hey Don, don't tell George about my housewarming party. I don't want the kid there. We'll have strippers, the finest Colombian blow and a torture chamber in the basement so we can try out some new interrogation techniques.
UPDATE 9/8/2005, 11:45 am PST: At a Cheney press gathering in Gulfport, MS, someone in the crowd yells "Go Fuck Yourself Mr. Cheney" on live TV. Crooks & Liars has the video in both Quicktime and Windows Media formats.
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