Agitprop Predicts

Once Again, We Predict the Week's News
So You Don't Have to Pay Attention

1) This is the week that Scotty the Lying Bushtool will announce his "retirement."

2) Bad Witch of the Midwest Jean Schmidt will issue an apology to John Murtha.

3) At least two senators will join Biden's call for an Alito filibuster based on his race rulings; there will be no mention of an abortion filibuster, however.

tags: scott mcclellan jean schmidt john murtha iraq joe biden samuel alito

Comments

[larkohio]

Also, pigs will fly??

[HelenWheels]

I'm crossing my fingers for all three... they don't seem unlikely at all. Good job!

[comandante agi t. prop]

On a Thanksgiving Day mix-up, President Bush will choke on a piece of plastic turkey and pass out in a bowl of cranberry sauce thus staining his favorite suit.

[blogenfreude]

I'm crossing my fingers for all three...
If I miss 'em all, I'm giving myself a time out.

[blogenfreude]

Tirebiter in Sector R provides the following sunny predictions:

1. Dick Cheney quits because he finds a dead speechwriter's head in his bed. Rove tells him that he'll die on the operating table during an exploratory heart operation (you can supply the punch line on that one, I'm sure);
2. The President announces in early summer of '06 that everything is going fine in Iraq ("They're makin' real good progress") and starts withdrawing troops, while,
3. More Iraqis per day get killed therafter and we don't care;
4. A week before the election, Condi tells us, "Peace is at hand," which
5. We believe because we're a nation of dumb amnesiac fucks which causes,
6. The GOP to sweep to victory in the midyear elections and,
7. Promptly invade Syria or Lebanon or Venezuela or someplace.

[PusBoy]

1. The U.S. and Canada reach an agreement on softwood lumber tariffs and it dominates the news throughout the entire holiday!

2. Iraqi fighters set off 62 simultaneous suicide bombs, killing thousands, and then Gerald Ford dies, which dominates the news and moves the death toll to page A17 below the fold.

3. Iraqi fighters set off 77 simultaneous suicide bombs, killing thousands, and then a "new tape" from Osama bin Laden is discovered, which dominates the news and moves the death toll to page A17 below the fold.

4. Iraqi fighters set off 92 simultaneous suicide bombs, killing thousands, and then Britney Spears enters rehab to kick booze and oxycontin, which dominates the news and moves the death toll to page A17 below the fold.

5. Tony Blair breaks down, admits that all the prewar intelligence was a sham, and resigns, calling on President Bush to do so as well, and then Natalle Halloway is discovered, alive and well, running a Sunglass Hut in Aruba. Sean Hannity, with a huge erection, explodes in orgasmic ecstacy all over Alan Colmes, who takes it in stride and adjusts his praying mantis head with his insect arms.

[Alan]

"Mean Jean" apologize??! I'll have what you're smoking.

[Terry C]

I'm ain't betting on ANY of THOSE.

[Horatio]

My prediction:

Forgetting that he was the one who kicked inspectors out, Bush will claim that he had to invade Iraq because Saddam wouldn't let inspections continue.

Note: He may have already done this.

[GRUMPY OLD MAN]

I predict that Kraft foods will buy my arse believing, as I have said numerous times, that it is indeed made of green cheese.

Am I getting silly?

[Kathy]

1) We will all eat too much on Thursday (Thanksgiving dinner with the immediate family) and Friday (Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws).

2) We will all do our best to keep my father-in-law from going off on a rant about politics.

3) We will watch lots of football.

If I can't go three of three with those sure things, I'm really lame. Blogenfreude, your three would be better.

[comandante agi t. prop]

I'm hoping for PusBoy's #5.

[phinky]

The FCC declares abortion a dirty word and it will no longer be mentioned on network television. Thereby codifying what has happened in reality.

[KathyF]

1--Maybe. During a slow newsweek anything can happen.

2--Except this.

3--And this.

What will happen this week? Bird flu will be discovered in the turkey Bush pardons, which will then initiate the Pandemic of 2006. Tofurkey sales will skyrocket, as people rush to avoid contact with dead birds at Christmas.

[blogenfreude]

I'm hoping for PusBoy's #5.

Me too, except the Hannity money shot part ...

[Mr. Natural]

There will be a MUCH LARGER PLATTER so as to fit BOTH Growley Guts Cheney's AND Prince Bushie's heads for our delight.