No Christian Left Behind Edition!
Considering today is 6.6.06, I've decided to drop in from my usual digs for a guest post. Thanks to Blogenfreude for letting me back in to my old waterhole…
It is not entirely clear to me how allowing same-sex partners to marry violates the sanctity of marriage. I would assume that gay marriage strengthens the institution of marriage since more people would be pledging life-long commitments to each other.
Let's be clear, the major threat to the institution of marriage is adultery. Therefore, we must pass a constitutional amendment to ban adultery. This is the only true Biblical-based way to protect the sanctity of marriage:
If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)
This constitutional amendment would require putting to death thousands of Republicans. But let us not stop there. The Christo-Fascist zombie brigade claim to be true followers of God's law. So why are they willfully ignoring the numerous laws set forth in the Holy Buybull? How dare they practice limp-wristed, liberal pansy Christianity! To complete the downward spiral to theocracy we must implement Judeo-Christian Biblical law in perpetuity.
Here are some more constitutional amendments…
Death to Those Who Work on the Sabbath
The LORD then gave these further instructions to Moses: 'Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever. It helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Yes, keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy. Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community. Work six days only, but the seventh day must be a day of total rest. I repeat: Because the LORD considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.' (Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)
Death to the Sons of Sinners
Make ready to slaughter his sons for the guilt of their fathers; Lest they rise and posses the earth, and fill the breadth of the world with tyrants. (Isaiah 14:21 NAB)
Maybe this is why we killed Uday and Qusay Hussein. And this also means the entire Bush family is in trouble.
Death to Those Who Don't Obey Authority
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
This one I'm afraid will punish us lefties for speaking blasphemy against the Dear Leader. Behind door number one is an all-expense paid trip to Club Gitmo!
Now that's only the tip of the iceberg. There are more constitutional amendments in store! Happy 666 day!
tags: bush conservative Christianity marriage gay marriage bible
If I understand Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT, (and Zechariah 13:3 NAB) it does appear that Pat Robertson's time is clearly up! Unfortunately it doesn't mention the manner by which we should remove this evil. Would stoning or burning to death be more appropriate?
Comandante Agi, thanks for the link.
Posted by: M A F | June 06, 2006 at 09:56 AM
"It is not entirely clear to me how allowing same-sex partners to marry violates the sanctity of marriage."
They are not concerned about the sanctity of life, otherwise they would not be so pro petrowar...
This is nothing but getting the right wing crazies out to vote. So that church leaders scare folks into voting against their economic interests. This is only being brought up cause Bush's poll numbers are in the toilet and the country is a mess due to poor governance...
Posted by: denisdekat | June 06, 2006 at 10:21 AM
Hear, hear!!!
Comandante Agí 08'!!!
Posted by: Fred | June 06, 2006 at 12:40 PM
Amen, brother Comandante!
Posted by: Kvatch | June 06, 2006 at 12:47 PM
If that's is the case, then I guess I'll have to stop eating lobster on Fridays. Or is that "at" Fridays? And what about "rounding the corners" of my beard. Should I grow a beard first and then worry about it?
Please advise. Or direct me to the appropriate Governmental Agency in charge of these matters.
Good day.
Posted by: Robot Buddha | June 06, 2006 at 12:58 PM
I think somewheres in that Buybull it also says we get to own slaves! So taking that OUT of our Constitution was probably a huge mistake, eh? Hmmm...
Posted by: HelenWheels | June 06, 2006 at 01:18 PM
Robot Buddha: I'm afraid you will be forced to abstain from "all you can eat shrimp" night at your local eatery. And remember, when your lady is experiencing that special time of the month, she must sleep out in the backyard.
Posted by: Comandante Agi | June 06, 2006 at 01:43 PM
Agi! Nice to see you!
And yes, you are absolutely right - the real threat to marriage is ADULTERY. Those people who think otherwise need to wake up.
The graphic turned my stomach.
Posted by: Mags | June 06, 2006 at 01:45 PM
Jeez, Agi, you missed the one about playing with a pig, and how playing football is a mortal sin...
Posted by: actor212 | June 06, 2006 at 02:05 PM
I'll give up my BLT when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!
Posted by: blogenfreude | June 06, 2006 at 02:16 PM
Damn, you're making me hungry!
Posted by: Comandante Agi | June 06, 2006 at 02:35 PM
mmmmmm....pork.....
Posted by: actor212 | June 08, 2006 at 11:34 AM