What's up on the terror front? Any new scary stuff out there? Of course there is - this is America!
The TSA says you should be scared of your gel inserts and your baby's pacifier. In fact, you should be scared of babies in general. Joe Lieberman has joined Dick Cheney in saying that you should be scared of Ned Lamont. Connecticut voters are also to be feared because, as we all know, they love the terrorists. And don't forget to be scared of seventy-nine percent of Democrats - they love the terrorists too.
You should also be scared of baking ingredients, breast milk, pure maple syrup, soft drinks, toothpaste, random angry people, Muslims running for elected office, anyone with a disposable cell phone, Google, and The Christian Science Monitor. Al Qaeda is still scary, but it doesn't seem to be in the top ten right now. Iranians who blog, however, are right up there. You should be scared shitless of Adobe Photoshop CS and its users. However, it seems nail clippers are no longer terrifying.
Please list any other scary items you think of in the comments, but only if you're not scared of your computer.
Lipstick, hair gel, roll on deodorant are all aparently pretty scary, but not half as scary as I am without access to them on a long haul flight.
Nail clippers stopped being scary a little while ago, I forget when.
But I think really scary are going to be those of us who are members of the Coalition of the Exquisetly Coiffed who are being denied our health and beauty aids.
Posted by: divajood | August 14, 2006 at 11:06 AM
Don't forget Rabid Flying Squirrels, invading the planes at thirty thousand feet.
Oh...and snakes.
Posted by: actor212 | August 14, 2006 at 01:18 PM
How many times have I asked the Heavens, "Oh please, God, please - let Michael Chertoff miss this flight"? Because I'll tell you: there's only so much ungelled terror a girl can stand!
Posted by: Tata | August 14, 2006 at 02:28 PM
Let me tell you something, hippies...it's all fun and games until Pamela Anderson's breast milk de-pressurizes the cabin of a 747 with it's laser-like delivery system!
Oh, wait...that was just last night's dream.
Never mind.
Posted by: Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker | August 14, 2006 at 07:29 PM
So let me get this straight- NO BINKYS, NO DEODERANT, NO CONTACT SOLUTION, NO LIPSTICK,NO GEL SHOE INSERTS?....CAUSE THEY ARE DANGEROUS???? But....you can still take 4 packs of matches and 2 lighters...yeah- that is so clear now....WTF????
Posted by: enigma4ever | August 14, 2006 at 08:38 PM
I'm afraid of Crispin Glover.
And being buried alive.
So being buried alive with Crispin Glover would be my answer.
I gotta believe there's less than 1% chance of that, so I don't feel compelled to destroy Crispin Glover.
Posted by: OutOfContext | August 14, 2006 at 08:42 PM
Don't forget the Quakers and the Vegans!
And Bird Flu, don't forget the Bird Flu!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10454316/
http://www.aclu.org/safefree/general/20154prs20050922.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4351558.stm
Posted by: ascap_scab | August 15, 2006 at 01:40 AM
Looks like El Rushbo Limp-baugh won't be taking that industrial size bottle of Astro-Glide on his "trips with the boys" to the Dominican Republic anytime soon.
-GSD
I wonder if the TSA has banned Viagra too?
Posted by: GSD | August 15, 2006 at 09:42 AM
The chicken hawks have become Chicken Little!
What are republican's so afraid of and why are they so spineless?
Oh my gawd! there's a shadow following me down the street - it's Al Queda, no, wait it's Ned, no wait it's the commie pinko's ...er sorry wrong era...
Posted by: Paul Smenis | August 15, 2006 at 10:14 AM
I'm sure as shit afraid of George W Bush and what he and his minions have done, if that counts.
Posted by: Kevin Wolf | August 15, 2006 at 11:39 AM
Lets not forget Gatorade, water, and soda.
(CNN did a piece on how to make a bomb out of Gatorade...I'm sorry, but I wanted to laugh when I saw that.)
Posted by: Stdyofman | August 15, 2006 at 11:54 AM
Yeah, it's SO scary up there. Meanwhile, I snuck a kerosene lighter in the "fifth pocket" of my jeans from JFK to Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Airport and back this weekend, without tripping a metal detector. If there'd been a bottle of water in my bag I'd have likely been treated to a cavity massage by the TSA idiots (who by the way spent 15 minutes talking to each other while I waited for them to inspect my crap).
Posted by: Brendan | August 15, 2006 at 12:01 PM
What we all should be afraid of is who is really attacking America:
OSAMA bin BUSH, aka The Monstrous Morph Brothers!
Tell Everyone! Be Very Afraid. . .
Blog On
PLANET REVOLUTION Blog
Posted by: Planet Patriot | August 15, 2006 at 12:31 PM
I'm afraid of clowns. Are they on the list? If not, they should be. Mass murderers are sometimes clowns. Think John Wayne Gacy.
If hair gel isn't allowed, why are clowns?
Posted by: HelenWheels | August 15, 2006 at 03:42 PM
I'm scared that your hit counter is gonna explode because I linked to you today too! Next time I'll check C&L first. Wouldn't want to overload you. Yeah, right.
Posted by: Blue Gal | August 15, 2006 at 03:56 PM
I'm scared of the United States of America
Posted by: Skippy | August 15, 2006 at 06:36 PM
I'm scared of the United States of America
Posted by: Skippy | August 15, 2006 at 06:37 PM
I'm scared of the United States of America
Posted by: Skippy | August 15, 2006 at 06:37 PM
Recently I have become very afraid to tune in my usual favorite FOX NEWS information shows. There are so many things that FOX says we need to be afraid of, NOW I'm afraid of the TV remote. Mother of jabbering Christ. I wet myself I am so frightened...
Just think - if the Lefty Defeat-0-Crats (haw haw) were in charge of the store, we'd be DOOMED I tell you! They love the terrorists and they lie and lie and say that we should NOT be afraid(!) They're all so dumb, we should call them Dumb-0-Crats. If they would only admit that they are so DUMB!
Posted by: Pat Hat | August 16, 2006 at 12:39 AM
Now you need to be afraid of the Constitution:
It requires "probable cause" rather than Britain's "reasonable suspicion."
This means US intel won't have the necessary freedom to prevent terrorist attacks.
This is exactly how "the terrorists win."
Posted by: erland | August 16, 2006 at 01:28 AM
I have this shadow. When I stand just right out in the sun I can see the shadow right there in front of me. I'm afraid of it. Does that make me a good American?
Posted by: pissed off patricia | August 16, 2006 at 03:46 AM
How about small knives that you can take on planes now!! Not to mention the cargo hold that is not checked!!
Posted by: pam | August 16, 2006 at 10:18 AM
Be afraid of Chuck Norris in the dark!
Posted by: Ivan Minic | August 16, 2006 at 01:42 PM
(CNN did a piece on how to make a bomb out of Gatorade...I'm sorry, but I wanted to laugh when I saw that.)
Posted by: Stdyofman
Oh hell everyone knows how to do that! Chug a bottle, wait a half hour...damn, there's a stink bomb! Oops! Another one!
Posted by: actor212 | August 17, 2006 at 01:01 PM
And the Gatorade bottle the fool picked up was on a shelf with cosmetics. Pretty funny, watching someone extract a bottle of Gatorade out of a shelf full of lotions.
Posted by: HelenWheels | August 17, 2006 at 02:11 PM
lol, great post and good links.
-Dave
Gatorade Coupon
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