If you gotta problem yo I'll solve it!
Me wonders if the following mofos would have ever considered "rehab" as an option if their trials and tribulations did not become public knowledge.
- Mel Gibson - attended rehab after a drunken anti-Semitic and misogynistic outburst toward Malibu police in an attempt to salvage his image prior to the release of Apocalypto. Apparently, it worked.
- Ted Haggard - received spiritual restoration to "cure" his meth addiction and homosexuality. Praise Jebus, teh gay be gone!
- Michael Richards - began psychiatric counseling to manage anger and try to understand why he hates African Americans.
- Isaiah Washington - attended psychological counseling to try to understand why he hates homosexuals.
- Lindsay Lohan - attending rehab for alcohol, drugs and bulimia while indulging in alcohol, drugs and stomach purging on the weekends.
- Gavin Newsom - will attend alcohol counseling after admitting to banging his campaign adviser's wife. What an idiot - as if there aren't enough hot, young single women in SF for him to chase.
- Paris Hilton - will probably attend rehab to understand why she hates African Americans and homosexuals. One can only hope she experiences some swift aversion therapy. Hell, it worked for Alex de Large.
So, whether you suffer from homophobia, racism or adultery, just blame it on alcohol and admit that rehab is the solution for you! Unfortunately, one has yet to develop a rehab center for war-addicted neocons...
Haggart is a Christian terror-wrist!
Posted by: mandt | February 06, 2007 at 01:50 PM
Gay-B-Gone. LOL. Too bad there isn't a Redneck-B-Gone or Snakehandler-B-Gone for the high-ranking members of our government.
Posted by: Tom Harper | February 07, 2007 at 12:04 AM
I suspect that George Bush could use a stint in rehab as well, or at least a few sessions with the reverends psychologists. Course he'd probably just emerge and say that the shrinks were eggheads.
Posted by: Kvatch | February 07, 2007 at 05:54 PM
Even if it was possible for Haggard's "Gay" to be exorcised in less than a month, it would still take years to remove the "stupid" from Bush.
Posted by: Librocrat | February 07, 2007 at 11:40 PM
Thats the thing... it wasn't a problem for them til they got caught!
Posted by: Miss Cellania | February 08, 2007 at 06:38 AM
NOw, they said it would take at least five years to "cure" Haggard...three weeks?
MIRACLES! IT'S A MIRACLE! PRAISE JESUS!
Posted by: actor212 | February 08, 2007 at 12:26 PM
It's like that song, "Demon Alcohol", where they can't remember much anyway! ;0) "I can't REMEMBER having gay-sex for several years. Hmmm." That's why I call many of them "funnmentalists". You left-out Mark Foley and Duke Cunningham, by the way. Rednecks with too-much power and influence, but not the brains. Indiana Rep. Dan Burton is cut of similar cloth.
Posted by: Matt Janovic | February 08, 2007 at 01:17 PM
Brilliant!
Add Pedophile-B-Gone to that list. Speaking of which, Ex-Rep. Mark Foley came to my mind first too:
So you've become a creepy pedophile. What do you do?
1. Step down; stop being a congressman
2. Say you're going to go into rehab - for alcohol
3. Beg forgiveness a la Jimmy Bakker
4. Claim you were molested by the Catholic Church (careful not to use profanity)
5. Disappear into the confusion
Posted by: Ricky Shambles | February 09, 2007 at 11:23 AM
can I put your picture on my blog?
Posted by: blondesense | February 09, 2007 at 02:44 PM