With Bush fatigue setting in, I thought I'd just plagiarize today. Remember when Cheney was in charge for a while? Commenter Lionel Hutz at Wonkette penned a schedule for the Vice President that cheers me up whenever I read it.
Well, if I lived in Iran, I wouldn't be sleeping well.
Itinerary for the Cheney Presidency:
10:30 a.m. President Bush placed under anesthesia, Vice President Cheney assumes command of both the Executive Branch and the Fourth Branch of Government.
10:31 a.m. Cheney tastes ceremonial first infant.
10:35 a.m. Cheney fires Congress.
10:37 a.m. Cheney issues contract to Halliburton to be new Congress.
10:45 a.m. Cheney lines up several lawyers, shoots them all in the face.
11:01 a.m. Cheney bombs Iran.
11:07 a.m. Cheney goes to Halliburton/Congress to seek authority to bomb Iran.
11:09 a.m. Halliburton/Congress grants authority to bomb Iran.
11:10 a.m. Halliburton/Congress announces that decision to grant Cheney Authority to bomb Iran cost $4 billion, only 750% higher than the original estimate.
11:35 a.m. Cheney announces that his grandson, Samuel David Cheney, will now be considered his heir and will be worshiped as a God.
11:52 a.m. Cheney announces that he has declared Syria illegal, bombing will commence within the next half hour.
12:04 p.m. Cheney bombs Syria, sites secret provision of the Halliburton/Congressional approval of his bombing of Iran that gave him permission to do "what ever the hell he wants to."
12:32 p.m. Cheney announces that all televisions must be tuned to Fox News. Special listening devices that had been installed in every television under the Patriot Act will report any violations.
12:53 p.m. Cheney demands that all first born male children under two years old be brought to him, as he hungers.
1:13 p.m. Cheney launches surprise attack on Paris.
1:38 p.m. Cheney takes a break for the first annual "Rolling the Bones of the Dead" celebration on the front lawn of the White House.
1:53 p.m. Cheney goes up to the White House master bath, bathes in the blood of the innocent.
2:12 p.m. Cheney announces that he found secret clause of the Constitution that states that any person that has had a colonoscopy may not serve as President.
2:15 p.m. Cheney announces that former President George W. Bush will retire to Gitmo.
2:22 p.m. Cheney sends Federal Marshals to find Patrick Leahy and help him fuck himself.
2:35 p.m. Cheney bombs Moscow. States "We've wanted to get those fucks since I was with Ford in 1974."
2:45 p.m. Cheney asks Halliburton/Congress for law demanding that all bow down before him.
3:03 p.m. Cheney announces open casting call for the movie version of Lynne Cheney's book Sisters.
3:12 p.m. Cheney announces invasion of Canada. States he doesn't trust anyone that lets people speak French in their country, and that they had been holding out on us and had oil.
Chain, Chain, Chain,----- Cheney of Fools!
Posted by: mandt | October 17, 2007 at 12:49 PM
ONLY YOU, THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER, CAN FORCE CONGRESS TO IMPEACH THE VICE PRESIDENT AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Call Nancy Pelosi @ 1-202-225-0100 say IMPEACH.
Posted by: Mike Meyer | October 17, 2007 at 02:42 PM
Great stuff!
The Daily Show's treatment was quite good, too, but I love this one.
Posted by: Batocchio | October 17, 2007 at 03:47 PM
Sweet jebus in a speedo..that was priceless indeed!
thank you :)
Posted by: Dusty | October 20, 2007 at 10:27 AM
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