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July 06, 2008


I remember clearly the '84 campaign. Every Helms commercial ended with, "Jim Hunt.....A Mondale liberal" in a voice dripping with sarcasm. It was like he was saying "Jim Hunt... a Communist pedophile puppy-killer". It was sickening, and so was Helms. You'd talk to people, and they'd say, "I may not agree with him, but you know where he stands!" That was precisely my problem with him, but this IS North Carolina.

When he was alive, Helms was a wall-eyed racist. Now that he's dead, he's worm food. Finally contributing something.

Perhaps a more fitting end for Jesse is to be seated in front of a wall-mounted t.v. broadcasting not FOX but some actual news, which shows him a world slowly evolving.

A world in which gay marriage and abortion rights are no longer an issue, but the eradication of sex slavery and universal health care are. Something facsimilating a true brotherhood of man in which the betterment of all mankind is the only concern, rather than an ancillary one.

That would be a true diminution of this man's life. And, if he sat there enough, it might facilitate a conversion. An evolutionary win-win.

Someone should have poured salt on that slug decades ago.

Probably my favourite comment at the Carpet Bagger Report comes from W. Bryan: "The cesspool gurgled and stirred and a fecal bubble rose to the surface and popped. The bubble and the stink it emitted was the life essence of Jesse Helms. He was in a position to do much good and positive -instead his constricted and hate filled deeds insures that he’ll be reincarnated as a turd plop from Joe Lieberman’s withered backside."

Good riddance.

Makes me wish I genuinely believed in heaven and hell, because no way Jesse makes it through the pearly gates...and deep down, I think he knew it.

Actually, the truth is, I have no problem speaking ill of the dead when the dead has wished me dead on several occasions. I am an ex-christian, pothead, libertarian anarchist. I know Jesse’s body is still warm, if it ever was, but you know something? SO WHAT?!

Bill Hicks used to say “you know anybody that far to the right is hiding a deep dark secret. When he dies, He is going to commit suicide first of all in a bathtube and then in his basement they are going to find the skins of dead children drying. And his wife will be on the TV all night saying ‘you know I never could figure out about Jesse’s huge collection of little shoes’”

That about sums up his personality, even if the details were wrong.

I can't say something nice so I won't say anything at all about him.

Someone get a development deal option to John Hodgman about playing Jesse Helms in some film somewhere.

Dead ringer!

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