Agitprop: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Propaganda

so long rummy, until we meet again

Comandante Agí here to bring you this report:

As the Rumsfeld Farewell Tour sweeps through Iraq the frontman's lawyers are geering up for the first of many challenges to his record of torture and war crimes. How about we sue him for being an arrogant asshole while we're at it...

Also...if you haven't already, please enlist in the war on Christmas. We need every draft-aged American to join in the fight against O'Reilly and his Santanistas.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming...

Cheney Daughter To Make Little Republican

Tata guest blogs again:

Perhaps the funniest thing to happen to our country since people who hate Jews started shouting about antisemitism was this week's announcement that the King of All Homo Haters' quisling daughter is preggers. By a man! And miraculously without one! Blessings upon the head of Pam, who, like Mr. b, reads the Freepers so you don't have to. Our poor wingnuts are pouting and stomping their feet. Their blond corporate princess is chock full of Sapphic surprises!

"They're deliberately bringing a child into the world without a father, leaving a great gaping hole. Father absence is the biggest problem we're facing in this country," she said, and "the root cause of all sorts of negative outcomes — drug use, juvenile delinquency. You name it." -- Janice Course of Concerned Women for America, on ABC “It's very disappointing that a celebrity couple like this would deliberately bring into the world a child that will never have a father. They are encouraging people who don't have the advantages they have.” -- Crouse, bleating for AP; she also referred to the Cheney pregnancy as "unconscionable."

Disappointing? Don't take this personally, Janice, but anything that pisses you off makes me do the Happy Dance. The only thing that'd make me happier would be Reverend Dobson's grandchildren joining Cirque du Soleil.

I think it's tragic that a child has been conceived with the express purpose of denying it a father. Fatherhood is important and always will be, so if Mary and her partner indicate that that is a trivial matter, they're shortchanging this child from the start....Mary and Heather can believe what they want. but what they're seeking is to force others to bless their nonmarital relationship as marriage and to create a culture that is based on sexual anarchy instead of marriage and family values." -- Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Media Institute of the Media Research Center.

Mr. Knight is plainly perturbed that any hot girl-on-turkey-baster action took place without him - shall we say - in the kitchen. Poor Mr. Knight! I hope someone explains to him that babies are conceived for the express purpose of playing "Boo! Peek!"

Carrie Gordon Earll, a policy analyst for the conservative Christian ministry Focus on the Family, expressed empathy for the Cheney family but depicted the newly announced pregnancy as unwise. “Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea. Love can't replace a mother and a father.”

Ms. Earll is also having issues because all the PlayDoh ashtrays on earth won't melt Mommy's icy heart. Just look how she turned out! Nobody really needs love - just a Mommy, a Daddy and a lock on your bedroom door! Bonus comedy points to Mary Cheney for playing with the roaring fire Daddy built and assuming she'd never need an extinguisher. As lovers of slapstick everywhere know: you can't go wrong with the classics.

Tata Rearranges the Furniture

Ta cozying up to you here at Agitprop, to which Mr. blogenfreude foolishly tossed me the keys and skeedaddled. He probably won't even notice we rearranged the furniture and played The UnderCouch World of Jacques Cousteau. Diversions aside, let's enjoy some diverting diversity of opinion. Spouse. Husband. Wife. Just kidding! Mistress. Girlfriend. Boyfriend. Just kidding! Paramour. Significant Other. Baby Mama. Bridal party. Blub blub, my little anemone! Love and throw pillows are in the air!

You Mean They Actually Have a Doomsday Machine?

Greetings. Comandante Agí here, filling in today while your usual host is out searching for Dick Cheney's secret underground bunker. Stay tuned -- when blogenfreude discovers the location of the shadow government he'll post directions on this blog. Meanwhile, let's see what's going on this week...

Speaking of Cheney, did you know that he's been a freedom-hating asshole for his entire political career and not just the past six years? His passion for a unitary executive dates back to the glory days of Ronald Reagan. And did you know that unitary executive theory means you can shut down interstate highways just to satisfy your penchant for shooting animals?

In economic news, the United States is banning the sale of iPods to North Korea. Citizens of the DPRK will no longer be able to listen to the Dear Leader's daily podcasts. You know, this might really tip Kim Jong Il over the edge.  If the Left Coast gets vaporized by one of his Taepo-dong missiles I'm blaming Steve Jobs.

Don't cry for Barbara and Jenna--the U.S. embassy in Buenos Aires has asked the Bush twins to leave Argentina immediately. Las Dos Bushitas were followed around by tabloid journalists as they celebrated their 25th birthday. They even attended a Boca Juniors futbol game -- I'm surprised they didn't get attacked by hooligans!

There's always something brewing or exploding in the Middle East. After trash-talking Mohammed last month, Pope Bennie The Dick has traveled to Turkey to promote inter-religious unity while dressed as Santa Claus. Is it just me or is this pope a true fashionista? John Paul would never wear Prada.

Now that "civil war" in Iraq is Matt Lauer/NBC certified, it's time to start blaming the Iraqis for the mess we created. Those ungrateful bastards! We gave them the gift of freedom but instead of showering us with flowers and candy they spit in our face!

And if that's not enough, pop star Gwen Stefani has covered the Sound of Music. If your ears can withstand more than five seconds of this garbage then you deserve a prize.

I'm sure I missed many other signs of the apocalypse in my news wrap-up, so feel free to chime in. You can also [shameless plug alert!!!] visit my blog.

More American Thinker Mockery

Messing with The American Thinker's mind?  It's easy, and fun!

That sly dog blogenfreude stepped out for a few but when he checks his pockets, he'll find his wallet a little light. Hello, dahhhhhhhhlings. Ta here. I've got blogenfreude's cards and keys. Let's take this baby for a spin.

Given events in the Middle East and the near certainty of escalation, it’s time to name our enemy, because Israel is our canary in the mine of world events. And the canary is singing.

I'm surprised Michael Geer spellchecked, given the utility he needed was Metaphor Check, now with De-Cheesifyer.

Islam was founded as a religion that is the state, where the state is the religion. The ultimate theocracy. There is no separation, no wall, no division. It is a seamless whole and any behavior is allowed to maintain that power. No crime is too gruesome, no argument too convoluted, no terror too shocking, and no theology too cancerous to be off limits in conquering the world for their god.

Has Mr. Geer heard of Kansas? 'Cause he swears he's not in it but he sounds like Fred Phelps.

I stand in shocked anger that those in America who work so hard for the separation of church and state are not horrified at the Islamist threat. Those who passionately insist on the separation of church and state ought to be on the front lines every day denouncing Islam and their global terror campaigns. making noise, agitating, pressing for Islam to be eradicated. But they aren’t denouncing Islam. Quite the opposite. They advocate eradicating George W Bush and the United States.

There's only so much eradicating a gal can do at a time. Today, it's bloodstains, tomorrow: bathroom mildew. I might not get to George Bush until Thursday.

A word of warning to our citizens who live on the Left side of the aisle, the anti-war crowd, the anti-globalist crowd, the anti-America crowd …. you say you are as separation of church and state as can be …. but what you’re going to reap is the soul crushing whirlwind of church as state and state as church if you don’t get a grip and wise up. You’re rooting for the worst kind of theocracy the world has ever seen, the kind that treats women as less than objects, that kills dissenters, whose distaste for homosexuals is literally beyond polite discussion, and whose Friday afternoon schedule is not cocktails but beheadings of those who take drugs, have sex out of wedlock, have a taste for pornography or show too much skin in public. Among the many crimes you now take for granted as your liberties.

Mr. Geer's hyperventilating and gone all lightheaded, otherwise he might've noticed his description of my "crimes" sounds bunches like Dick Cheney's weekend "honeydew" list.

Do you really want to bring to pass a murderous medieval theocracy? Is that the future you think you’ll enjoy? Is that the outcome you’re working for? Because if you keep tearing at our foundations and empowering this nation’s enemies, if you keep heaping scorn and invective on our President, if you insist that America is evil and must be radically assimilated into a metastasizing United Nations global plan, that’s exactly what you’re going to get and there will be no wall of separation. You will have torn it down.

Who knew that Grover Norquist and I had the same goals? I sure didn't. Thanks, Mr. Geer, for clearing that up for me. And since we're full-blast-and-top-down, as rockabilly actuaries say, kids: don't drink and derive! Ta out!

tags: american thinker impeach bush thomas lifson al qaeda hezbollah