Agitprop: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Propaganda

The evidence:

I'll admit - I was on the "Go 4 It" bandwagon. I pre-ordered a Favre jersey. But now the pain must stop. Even the worst sportswriter in the world (in one of the worst sentences ever constructed) shows he understands this:

As the [Woody Johnson] World Turns, and stomachs of the Jets New York Jets ' long-suffering fans turn along with it as they brace for the arrival of a new coach and possible return of an old quarterback, the prospects for a Happy New Year hinge too heavily on the fragile 39-year-old hinge that belongs to Brett Favre.

Somewhere in that twisted, smoking mass of words is the right idea - it's time for Brett to head back Mississippi. Or wherever it is he came from.

The Horror

First it was 9/11.  Then Mayor Bloomberg brought us the 2004 Republican National Convention.  And now, as if we haven’t been punished enough:

Black Friday

You’d think that, given what’s going on in Mumbai, people might focus on something other than getting one of those four cheap bigscreen TVs that Wal-Mart uses for bait.  You’d be wrong:

A Wal-Mart worker died after being trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of a Long Island store Friday morning, police and witnesses said.

The 34-year-old worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The View From My Window v.2

Hu Jintao jumpts out of his limo on 50th Street to shake a bunch of carefully-vetted Chinese hands.

On the other hand, our Preznit, the Dear Leader, skulked in and out of the Waldorf without being seen.

Caption This

Walking up 6th Avenue about 4 years ago, with my brand new Nikon zoom lens, I whipped around got this.  Caption?

He was sitting waiting for a bus, and suddenly - photography gold.

 

You Get One Phone Call

Rep. Vito Fossella (R-NY) got caught driving drunk last week.  And not just drunk - really really drunk - more than twice the legal limit.  Still, it's not a sex scandal, so it doesn't even register on the Cynics' Party Diaper Scale.

Like any good Republican Vito has refused to resign, instead hiring a PR firm - Susan Del Percio (photo) - to attempt the impossible.  Of course, he's using campaign funds to pay for it.

We all know you get one phone call if you get arrested.  The question now is why Fossella, whose campaign manager lived near the police station, didn't call him.  Instead, he called the woman you see above - Laura Fay.  Fossella is a married father of three.

Fay and Fossella attended an Air Force-sponsored dinner in Britain on July 27, 2003, with dozens of other guests for then-House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.). Documents show Fossella was one of only two members of Congress whose spouses' names were not listed on a guest roster.

D.C. insiders questioned why Fossella called Fay instead of chief of staff Thomas Quaadman, who lives in Alexandria.

"I don't get it. I don't know what he was thinking," a GOP source snapped.

So stay tuned - we may get a sex scandal out of this yet.

Vito Fossella's Relationship With 'Mystery Woman' Under Scrutiny [NY Daily News]

Not Guilty

Discuss.

Detectives Charged in Sean Bell Shooting Acquitted on All Counts [NY1]

Do. Not. Want.

Is it something in the water in Albany?

March 19, 2008 — ALBANY - An attractive Olympic gold-medalist says she had a close personal relationship with Gov. Paterson earlier this year - during which time she recorded a series of secret telephone conversations with him.

Track-and-field athlete Diane Dixon, of Brooklyn, also told The Post that she had received a private message yesterday morning from Paterson, asking if she was speaking with the media.

No.  Not again.  Not another gubernatorial fuckfest. Spitzer was qualified, if annoying.  Paterson is capable and funny.  I do not want Republican hack Joe Bruno as our governor.  No no no.

And what the hell is a “close personal relationship”?  A drink once in a while?  Does she have a blue dress?  Article says she threatened to destroy the tapes and that this whole thing was “just a joke”.  Some joke.

A friend of mine lives in Dixon’s building.  Says the news trucks are thick on the ground.

Fuck.

Paterson Gal’s Tape Shocker [New York Post]

Last Spitzer Post ... I Promise

This is Silda Spitzer, wife of New York’s erstwhile governor.  She has said that her first name means Teutonic Warrior Goddess.

Hooker photos after the jump.

A Strategy for Spitzer

Posted over at CP before the resignation:

Yes he banged more than his share of hookers.  Yes he’s embarassed my state - at least Corzine was only fucking a lobbyist, and he wasn’t married (and we hate it when fucking New Jersey makes us look bad).  Yes Eliot was stupid enough to get caught in yet another Republican Justice Department trap.  And yes, he’s been a shitheel to his wife.

But there’s a small part of me that wants him to tough it out.  So I suggest making the following statement:

Fellow New Yorkers, I apologize to you for all the problems I have caused.  I am perfectly willing to resign - losing the office I worked so hard to achieve is at minimum the punishment I deserve.  But I am not alone in this … therefore, as soon as Larry Craig and David Vitter resign their Senate seats, I will tender my resignation.

Take that bitchez!

And, a Not Safe For Work picture of "Kristen" after the jump.

 

Spitzer Blames Call Girl Episode on Drugs in NY Water

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (D) held a news conference this afternoon to explain his involvement with a ring of expensive call girls.  “It’s the water” said Spitzer (aka “Client 9″).  “Look, I drink a lot of tap water - don’t even use a Brita.  All those drugs they found in the water must have done something to my memory, my judgment.  I don’t recall doing any of those women.”

Emperor’s Club employees Bubbles, Candy, and Suzeeee did not immediately return phone calls seeking their comments.

ISO Missing Landmarks

Here in our fair city, anti-terrorism funding has been cut by something like 40%.  Thanks to Michael "Skeletor" Chertoff, us New Yawkahs are now featured more prominently on the terrorists' menu.  According to DHS, we don't have any landmarks worth protecting.

Normally we don't expect much that's progressive, or even creative, from Hillary - just flag-burning nonsense.  But this time, she's ridden to the rescue, urging everyone far and wide to send postcards to Chertoff featuring New York landmarks.  His address:

Hon. Michael Chertoff
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. 20528

You know what you have to do.

UPDATE:  The House GOP blocked restoration of the NYC and D.C. money.  Go figure!

tags: bush u.s. new york impeach bush new york city michael chertoff DHS terrorism war on terror chertoff al qaeda

Happy Birthday

The Empire State Building Opened 75 Years Ago Today
The Ensign In The Sky

photo by blogenfreude

Beware Brazilian Electricians

Smell My Finger!

[via Raw Story] The New York Metropolitan Transit Authority, in their never-ending quest to protect New Yorkers from the fallout from the Dear Leader's War on Terror™, may install fingertip-sniffing card scanners and card vending machines on our subways. At Agitprop, we feel safer already!

Expect police shootings of firecracker-wielding schoolchildren, smokers, and magicians.

read more: war on terror impeach bush MTA new york city

Let It Snow

This Morning's View from Agitprop Tower ...

Somewhere out there, Bill O'Reilly is planning his next attack on the holidays ...

tags: new york city bill o'reilly agitprop

Beat Me, Whip Me, Make Me Write Bad Checks

From the "Better Off Dead" Department

Back in October, we reported on an executive who dropped 241 Gs at an East Side Strip club in one night. Our latest example didn't, er, rack up quite those numbers, but he managed to spend quite a bit getting spanked by a pro. Charity executive Abraham Alexander "used $210,000 meant to cure heart disease to get his own pulse pounding — repeatedly flying a dominatrix halfway across the country to spank him [and] racked up charges on an employer credit card for a slew of personal items, including steamy S&M meet-and-beat sessions with Lady Sage, a world-renowned whip mistress based in Columbus, Ohio ...." [emphasis supplied]

Why didn't he just go to Scores, like Mr. 241G? There's one on the East Side and one on the West. I'm sure they would have spanked him. And the dumbass used his work credit card!

tags: abraham alexander lady sage BDSM

The Price of Justice

To offend and judge are distinct offices, and of opposed natures.
William Shakespeare

Even before Boss Tweed, corruption never came cheap here in Gotham. A couple years ago, a trial court judge allegedly paid $50,000 for his seat. This week, after the conviction of political fixer Clarence Norman for various election law violations, the Brooklyn D.A. is investigating a couple other "sales." One judge is rumored to have complained that he had to pay $100,000.

Let's assume that a New York judgeship costs the average: $75,000. Here in NYC, if you want to own a taxi and not lease it for an exhorbitant rate, you have to buy your own medallion for the hood. These are auctioned and usually go for somewhere between $200,000 and $250,000.

So how come a judgeship goes for only a third of what a taxi medallion does? We have a mayor who bought his seat and paid $69 million. Obviously, if judgeships cost more, we'd have better judges and better justice! Time to write to Pataki.

tags: new york city clarence norman

An Agitprop Extra

From the "Better Off Dead" Department

UPDATE: CEO Took Them On Ten At a Time

Only the New York City press can do 'em like this. On TV this morning, the NY1 news reader held the Daily News up for all to see. Apparently this rich guy spent nearly a quarter of a mil in one night at one of the city's better adult entertainment spots. Despite witnesses who said he was there, his wife believes that "somebody stole his credit card and went to town with it." Well, at least half of that statement is correct.

We at Agitprop do not engage in such frippery as lap dances. We are shocked ... shocked to our foundation. But we have it on good authority that Scores West Side kicks the East Side club's ass.

tags: new york city lap dance

Billionaire NYC Mayor's Polls Up After Declaring Subway Terror Alert

Full Body Cavity Searches on Rise

Would I rather blame the fake terror alert on the Dear Leader and his band of merrymakers? You bet! But why is it that Bloomberg is polling around 60% of the vote (a 9 point increase) after he put the city on alert? Democratic challenger Fernando Ferrer has been pretty quiet about it, but you can tell he thinks Bloomberg has got some 'splainin to do. What will the Bloomberg campaign shovel out next? He declared the alert an hour before he failed to show at a debate at the Apollo in Harlem.
tags: war on terror michael bloomberg

UPDATE: HelenWheels is in Hollywood and smelled the hoax way out there!

HAVEN'T WE SUFFERED ENOUGH?

Scalia, Denied High Court Leadership Post, Settles for Leading NYC Columbus Day Parade

Haven't we been through enough? And I'm sure Ghouliani will be flitting around as well. Glad I'm staying below 14th Street all day.

tags: antonin scalia supreme court